mademoisellefyodor

Sleepless in Silverlake

2009-02-09T00:48:00.000-08:00

Sunday night/Monday morning and unable to fall asleep.
There is so much going on right now, it hurts my brain to think about it. It's restless brain syndrome.

Peanut Butter Recall
Good job Peanut Corporation of America (PCA) for lying and scheming your way into contributing to hundreds of Salmonella poisonings as well as a number of related deaths. I can't even begin to describe my frustration and annoyance at this whole debacle of food safety standards. Apparently, beginning back in 2007, this company knew of a Salmonella contamination of their products. They manipulated test results of positive Salmonella until they got a lab to say they were negative. They slowly expanded the recall to pertain to all the lots affected (all the way back to January 2007!!!), and in their path, they have brought, i would say, hundreds of other companies to their knees trying to keep up with their own recalls of products that included the PCA's "high quality" peanut products. Way to go Stewert Parnell!

As a food safety person myself, i can't believe the level of deceit and lies that came out of this whole mess. The standards are there for a reason. To meet those standards is not hard. I don't blame the FDA for breathing down everyone's neck - it's a hard job trying to right someone else's wrong.

House-hunting?
I am tentatively beginning the process of looking for a condo or townhouse to buy. This is an extremely scary prospect that will entail much frustration, penny-pinching, and soul-searching. Where do i want to live? Can i afford a down payment? Is my credit good enough? Am i biting off more than i can chew? All these and more are swimming through my brain at any and every second. There is so much talk about how they is a great time to buy, how its a buyer's market and how with the right moves, owning a house could be easy, simple and a good investment. Well, at this point, it will mean budgeting my food (which i have NEVER done in my life), maybe looking for a different part-time home that is cheaper and hopefully free, and deciding if i can do this on my own, or if i need to go in with someone else. (Not quite sure if i am ready to live with others again - i like this whole independence thing.)
There are certainly places out there that are within my "range". But to be honest, i am flat out scared stiff of taking such a leap. Buying a car was scary enough as it was, and this is talking about buying the equivalent of 10 cars all at once. Too much pressure!

Work Shmirk!
Ah, the joys of working with others! To put it simply, there is always a clash of personality. I don't even have much to say about this other than the fact that it is another perpetual thought that is racing through my brain, contributing to this sleepless night. Life wouldn't be life if it was easy. How's that for poetic!

Movies!
Here's some good news! I recently watched 2 movies that i now love. I love Netflix for their ever suggestive ways and it wasn't that long ago that i got on a little Zooey Deschanel kick. I like her in general and had seen a pretty interesting remake of The Wizard of Oz called Tin man on TV. I realized i hadn't really seen many movies of hers. The first i found was called All the Real Girls. This movie has one of the greatest opening scenes i have seen in a while. It may be perceived as cliche indie to some, but i found it totally endearing and realistic. Aside from a slow patch toward the end, i was wrapped up in the story and impressed by the cinematography, music, and acting. It always comes down to saving yourself, no one else can do it for you.
The other was called Winter Passing. This was again a very magnetic film for me. The opening song was Cat Power's Nude as the News, a personal favorite, and from that moment i was sold. Some personal similarities: suicide of mother (in my case just attempted), estranged mother and father, not feeling enough approval or attention growing up, and i could go on. I mention these, not to garner sympathy, but to put reasoning behind my love of films and what they mean to me. There are so many movies that reflect life in truly entertaining and healing ways. I could write a novel based merely on the constant reflection i see of my own life in the films that i watch. (Could i then claim seeing movies as a tax deduction?)

Sleepy-time!

New Year, New Look

2009-01-27T21:02:00.000-08:00

Happy almost end of January!

I am nowhere near as good as organizing my thoughts as Mr Neil, (nor as good as the chickens in Chicken Run) so here is my current state of mind spit out onto your screen:

Work: Been good to me as good as work can be. A hard earned raise finally fell on my doorstep. woohoo me! We also have a HUGE ad placement coming in march. For everyone who is able to find it, look on the back cover of the March issue of Vegetarian Times. a whole back cover all to Vegenaise. So exciting, and i got the opportunity to design it myself. yeah!

Home: Got me some TV action finally and followed that up with some VCR/DVD action. I am now the proud owner of a 37" Sony Bravia LCD thinga-ma-bobber, and a something or other VCR/DVD player. Tried to universal-ize by player thing, but it no worky. I am still stuck with all my UK dvd imports being viewed on the 17" mac screen i see before me now. Ah well, its a step in the right direction. The TV was a deal of deals, and although i dont have a stand for it yet, i got 20% off and i only had to spend 2 hours at the Best Buy store to get it. Bu-yah! I've already watched the following: Tootsie and 8 1/2, and was just about to watch Mr. Neil's recent viewing, Mulholland Drive. The movie that has no point, and leaves you feeling like you are lost and confused. Yeah!

Marathon: Not too long ago, in a work place not far away, an email fell into my inbox. It was by a person named Sheena, and it suggested that a bunch of people sign up and run a thing called a 5K. Run? Ha, that's not for me. But oh fine, i thought i would give it a try. So now, I am in a group of people who on May 4th will be running a 5K in Santa Monica and the proceeds of whatever we can conjure up sponsorship-wise will be donated to help the Orangutans who are being out-sourced to India. Or maybe they are just being kicked out of their habitats by all the palm oil being harvested for "biofuel". Bio doesnt really fit in that purpose, but its the way we do things here on planet Earth. Never a win/win. We like to see other things suffer for our gain. Yeah!

Black Books: Ever found yourself acting like someone you know. Mannerisms that they do are slowly seeping into your being. Well, I think that Bernard Black is seeping into me. I am not sure if its a good thing, but i am in a constant state of him. I think anyone who doesn't know what Black Books is should go and find out, and then picture me as Mr. Black. A grouchy, complaining, wino bookstore owner who expresses himself through quick, bitter remarks and insults. Yeah!

Right, that I think is enough for the month of January. Stay Tuned!

Happy Christmas!!

2008-12-26T01:18:00.000-08:00

Well, another 3 months have passed and nothing really new to say.
Considering i managed to make my last post on the anniversary of my mother's passing and not know it has to be a good thing. right? or did i?

Well, it is Chrimbo night and i am at home alone in my cold apartment, far from anyone, sipping red wine and watching fantastic movies. I can't imagine anything better, oh wait, yes i can. ;)

The heating gets turned on December 30th, and until then i live in a constant state of 55-65 degrees. Henry loves it. He has a built in black fur coat. i don't. btw, for all those 3 of you out there, it got down to 43 degrees tonight and it is friggin' cold! we had snow on our mountains (hills) a few nights ago. it's cold.

But seriously, life has been ok for the last few months. I still can't spell for the life of me, and i have no tolerance for typos, but work has been good and play has been so-so. if i were to take a survey of my life now, i would be pretty satisfied. albeit, there is no leading man (at least not on my own continent). i play dodgeball once a week, when i remember to bring proper clothes, and i enjoy my friends and hearing all about the fun and life they are involving themselves in. pssst. liz has boyfriend. drama, but i'm excited to someday meet this fellow.

blogging is fun when i find the time to sit down and brag about my fabulous life. hehe just kidding. its tedious and daunting. but i will make a point of keeping up with it as much as i can. i like to hear about those i am connected with, and can only hope they feel the same. even if they don't necessarily connect with me back... story of my life.

which i am writing, so those of you beware, you might be fodder for my visit to oprah when she adds me to her list. .. oh this is fun, talking to no one and yet everyone at the same time.

i will see you all in the new year! Happy Christmas and a fantastic new year to all of you!

i love you all!

-K

Ireland movie fest

2008-09-01T22:28:00.000-07:00

So, last night i finished up what i will call "really sad movies about Ireland fest".

I was on a Daniel Day Lewis kick after seeing There Will be Blood, and added a slew of his movies to my netflix. Then a few other Ireland films came up as recommended, so I added those as well.

Here is the list:

The Boxer
Angela's Ashes
Michael Collins
In the Name of the Father
The Crying Game
The Wind that Shakes the Barley

They were all fantastic and all very fantastically depressing. I am forever connected with Ireland and found each one of these films to be enjoyably informative. Not to mention that each one had an actor that i love, whether it be Stephen Rea, or Alan Rickman, Robert Carlyle, or Mr. Day Lewis himself. I am always amazed at how much turmoil and fighting that little country (with huge exports) went through. Independence is certainly an achievement and these films documents those struggles.

I'm still alive...

2008-09-01T22:22:00.001-07:00

For those of you out there that actually read this, please be reassured to know that I am still alive.

I moved into the aforementioned apartment and for the longest time didn't have internet. All has been remedied and i am back on the inter-galactic web.

Living in an apartment all by my lonesome is in fact quite lonesome, but very much a learning experience. Henry and I have both enjoyed being on our own, with no kiva or koala to beat us up or wake us up in the early AM. (although henry has decided to take over that task). I am decided that I have way too many clothes and feel like the apartment is in some sort of laundry state at all times. Right now my bikes are covered in clothes, as is my couch and side chair. Oh yeah, and the whole right side of my bed. Its like i am sleeping next to someone, but it is fact my pile of clean clothes. not quite a boyfriend.

I still havent gotten around to purchasing a tv set yet. That is kinda the final act of living alone i suppose. Getting a giant tv and cable access. For now its my ancient laptop that heats up so badly that I have to put it in the freezer every now and then and netflix dvds. oh the good times.

whats going on...

2008-03-30T23:17:00.000-07:00

New recap of last week:

Friday: Atresha texted me to meet up with her at my house at around 630 so we could head out to a dinner reservation in downtown at 8. At 6, I get a call from a lady who has an apartment for me to see in Silverlake, but she will only be around until 730. So AK and I rush over to see the apartment on the way to dinner. We barely make it, but once there the apartment is really cute and HUGE for the price. The best part is that parking is included. So I pick up an application and tell the lady i will fill it out and bring it back on Saturday, since they will be making their decision on Monday. We go to dinner (which was fabulous) and then proceed to the Standard in downtown, where we have to sit outside for ages to get in, but finally do, and the view was amazing. Pictures will someday be updated on my picture site.

Saturday: Geolyn breaks her wrist while hiking. She fell backwards and broke her fall with her wrist, but in the process, dislocated and later found out that it was broken. The most amazing part of the tale to me is that she had to finish the 5 miles back down the mountain to the car. She certainly is a trooper. I dont think i would have had that much gusto. I do end up turning in that application and then spend the whole day with my aunt at the mall and we see a cute movie called Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day. Overall it was a good day except for G and her wrist, and the damn public transportation system. My aunt and i almost got stranded 3 miles away from her place but a nice bus lady stopped for us even though she wasnt supposed to.

Sunday: Get to spend the day with G sitting around in the waiting room of the Urgent care place, where we discover that the wrist is in deed broken, and will need to return to the orthopedist on Monday for a cast. Her fracture is called a Colles fracture, and it would end up requiring something called a closed reduction, which is basically setting the bones so that they heal right. This "little" procedure, is actually considered surgery even though it doesnt involve a knife or blood. They moved her wrist a bunch of times back and forth, and from what she described, was the most pain she has ever felt in her entire life. no thank you!

Monday: I got the apartment! woohoo! pictures will be coming soon on this :)

Wednesday: My aunt and I head out to the airport. She is going home, and I will be her travelling companion. In the car, we hear that there was a bomb scare in the terminal 1, which closed down that terminal. Her terminal is luckily number 6, so hopefully there wouldnt be a problem. When we get there we also find out that American Airlines has cancelled some 2000 flights that day for plane inspections. Continental had better be good to us! So since we are standby, we basically get to sit and wait to find out if there are empty seats on the flight that we can take. All the passengers were boarded, and the gate was empty except for us and 2 other people. Turns out there was only 1 seat left, and my name was next in line. So my aunt took my seat, and i got to turn around and go home. I called Sheena to come and pick me up and bring me to work. It took her forever, and it turns out that there was an explosion at the water and pwer building near the airport, and 2 firefighters were injured, one of which later died. I didnt really think that this week could get weirder.

Saturday: Sheena and I spend almost all the sunlight hours painting my new kitchen and living room. the kitchen is a yellow color called Cowslip #4, and the living room is a light gray/brown called Taupe #3. Very exciting, abut uber exhausting. We had lunch brought home from a super delicious vegan place walking distance from my new place, and got drinks from the even mroe exciting mcdonalds near it too. (just kidding)

Today: was crazy. I can't think of any better way to say it than that. G and I set off around noon to head out to my *new apartment* and meet Shannon so she could bring me over some furniture that i am taking off her hands. We were going to stop off first to get lunch and then hike for about an hour in Griffith Park, so G could get somd exercise in since breaking her wrist last weekend. The traffic on the freeway was ridiculous! Turns out that someone was shot in the head on the freeway at 8:15 am, and they had the whole freeway heading eastbound closed for investigation. Freeway Shooting It was interesting to see a small place with a banner behind it flying over the scene. We were joking around that it would be a perfect time for advertising with everyone in their cars sitting doing nothing, but we really think it was to keep the news helicopters away from the scene. So after much deviations, we make it to lunch, and eat and The Birds place on Franklin. Super yummy. Then we are off to Griffith Park, and we walk up a pathway that gave us the most amazing view of the Observatory. Its been restored beautifully, and its a landmark that i have always loved in LA. We could also see the Hollywood sign perfectly, so all in all it was a perfect tourist hike. The rest of the day was as it was supposed to be. I now have 2 pieces of furniture in the new place. A fantasticly retro kitchen table and chairs and a futon for the living room. So exciting.

On a side note: I was talking with G in the car as we were passing the accident on the freeway. Not to mention that just last night there was another shooting of someone in their car on a freeway, but the incidences of shootings is just frightening. I was looking online at a stats breakdown of my new zipcode and discovered that there are 38 registered Sex offenders in the area. If we are so concerned about registering these offenders, I am very interested in why we dont have greater controls on bullets. We should have registration of bullets, or I think it was some comedian (maybe Dave Chappelle) who said that bullets should cost like $500. That way each bullet would mean something. I think in America we are so concerned with the right to bear arms and hold on to that right as if it meant that we have the right to jsut shoot what we want. In actuality, the threat that existed back in those days of independence are no longer at those extreme levels. To hear also that there are some people in the NRA who want to allow teachers and people who have guns allowed to bring them onto school campuses just seems outrageous! Lets add more risk. Instead of taking away the guns that shouldnt be there in the first place, lets allow untrained civilians to carry them. The right to bear arms is perfectly ok to have, but lets place contols on the bullets that are placed in those guns. If you are a hunter, or a law-abiding registered gun owner, what risk would you have to carry and use bullets that are registered in your name or are trackable? Granted, there will always be people who break the law, or scratch out serial numbers, etc. But is there not some way to better track these killing tools. To think that the person who shot the guy on the freeway today may never be caught because all we knew was the caliber of the weapon... It just seems stupid.

what day is it?

2008-03-19T00:18:00.000-07:00

quick recap of my last 4 weeks (in no particular order):
aunt came to stay to escape horrible Pennsylvania winter...
celebrated oscars with party, and go to see Once win for best song...
aunt breaks leg, but is ok, and gets to stay longer...
spent 2 weeks of 10 hour days preparing for EXPO...
spent 5 days working 13 hours at EXPO...
got filmed by Modern Marvels TV crew for a new show... (might be famous tv star someday) hehe
finally cleaned up desk at work, and can see the wood and carpet... finally!
spent the last 3 weeks searching up flights to Greece, and all major cities around it
purchased tickets to LONDON!!! which will be the stopover point of our TRIP TO GREECE! woohoo...
almost got a new apartment, but still waiting for news...
emotionally drained from general apartment hunting... mostly scams on Craigslist... dont rely on it!
bought new bathing suit for greece...
vowed to start exercising in attempt to look decent in aforementioned bathing suit ;)

and yeah... that about sums it up... all the fun and games that are me... i have a feeling that there are way more that i am missing, but that will just have to wait until the next time.

until next time... may the schwartz be with you...

I think I got a date for April

2008-01-23T23:25:00.000-08:00

FRIDAY, APRIL 25: Jack Johnson, The Verve, Raconteurs, The Breeders, Fatboy Slim, Tegan and Sara, Madness, The Swell Season, The National, Animal Collective, Slightly Stoopid, Mum, Sharon Jones & the Dap Kings, Stars, Battles, Aesop Rock, Midnight Juggernauts, Does it Offend you, Yeah?, Minus the Bear, Spank Rock, dan le sac Vs Scroobius Pip, Diplo, Adam Freeland, Santo Gold, Jens Lekman, John Butler Trio, Vampire Weekend, Dan Deacon, Architecture in Helsinki, Sandra Collins, Busy P, Cut Copy, Black Lips, Datarock, Professor Murder, Reverend and the Makers, The Bees, Porter, Rogue Wave, Modeselektor, American Bang, Lucky I Am.

SATURDAY, APRIL 26: Portishead, Kraftwerk, Death Cab for Cutie, Cafe Tacuba, Sasha & Digweed, Rilo Kiley, Dwight Yoakam, M.I.A., Hot Chip, Cold War Kids, Stephen Malkmus & the Jicks, DeVotchKa, Flogging Molly, Mark Ronson, Turbonegro, Scars on Broadway, Islands, Enter Shikari, Calvin Harris, Boyz Noize, Junkie XL, Cinematic Orchestra, Jamie T, The Teenagers, VHS or Beta, Carbon/silicon, Erol Alkan, Yo Majesty!, Little Brother, Bonde Do Role, St. Vincent, Akron Family, MGMT, Institubes DJs (Surkin, Para One and Orgasmic), James Zabiela, Sebastian, Kavinsky, Dredg, The Bird and the Bee, Grand Ole Party, New Young Pony Club, 120 Days, Yoav, Electric Touch, Uffie

SUNDAY, APRIL 27: Roger Waters (“Dark Side of the Moon”), Love & Rockets, My Morning Jacket, Spiritualized, Justice, Gogol Bordello, Chromeo, The Streets, Metric, Danny Tenaglia, Simian Mobile Disco, Booka Shade, Murs, Dmitri from Paris, Autolux, The Field, Linton Kwesi Johnson, Les Savy Fav, The Cool Kids, Sons & Daughters, Sia, Holy Fuck, Black Kids, Black Mountain, The Annuals, Kid Sister w/A-Trak, Man Man, Duffy, I'm from Barcelona, Manchester Orchestra, Deadmau5, The Horrors, Austin TV, Shout Out Louds, Plastiscines, Brett Dennen

what is this liquid falling from the sky?

2008-01-23T23:13:00.000-08:00

yes.. rain has come to LA, and we do not like to do things in moderation... all the flash flood warnings and mud slides are soon to come, and the fun is about to begin... i even had to pull out the umbrella today.

i love weather!

once, twice, three times a lady...

2008-01-09T00:22:00.001-08:00

have i told everyone how much i LOVE Once the movie. just want to reiterate!

keeping the dream alive!

2008-01-06T22:09:00.000-08:00

fun times for 2008 ahead! i am absolutely frightened by the speed at which time flies, and i can't believe its one more year forward...
the usual resolutions apply: must get into shape, keep playing guitar, go out more and expand the social network, and finally grow out my hair.
i hope that this year finds everyone in good health, and full of prospects for happiness.
a few things that i am looking forward to doing:
Movies: Batman: The Dark Knight, Be kind Rewind, Synecdoche, New York, Choke, Where the Wild Things Are, How to Lose Friends & Alienate People, The Time-Travellers Wife (curious about its adaptation), Harry Potter, and the Curious Case of Benjamin Button. + all the indie ones that havent been announced yet
Coachella 08 (depending on the line-up)
Election Day 2008!

I suppose thats about all i can think of so far. more to come as well as updates on what i am actually successful at achieving.
Happy New Year to ALL!

time flies

2007-11-07T23:49:00.000-08:00

i can't believe its been nearly 2 months since the last post.. i am on a roll of nothing!

went to see the film wristcutter, a love story last night, and enjoyed it very much. lots of cameos, and a suprisingly uplifting feel. highly recommended to all the movie fans out there.. (all 2 of you who read this)

also keeping up with the whole guitar business... but its a slow and steady process, which i am more than happy to keep myself busy with. the cold dark days are upon us now, and its a struggle to not let the winter blues get to me... more sunshine please... or really more hobbies to keep my mind busy :)

many music gigs to see this week! MIA and the Swell Season... strangely at the same venue one night after another... perhaps i should just stay there, and not go home..

also, lastly i went to see a comedy show on sunday night, and janeane garofolo made an appearance... note to self: pay more attention to politics. she is so versed and articulate when it comes to discussing all things political. It really reved me up to put more energy in the requisite research that comes around every 4 years. got to love democracy, and the media... neither one turns out for the good of the people, and they both aim (and succeed) to confuse and discourage. woohoo!

musica musica

2007-09-15T14:26:00.000-07:00

with the help of G, i can now play (although very very slowly) the song "if you want me" from the once soundtrack.
it is SO exciting to hear a song come out of my fumbling fingers and super slow strumming.

im on my way...

movie and music review

2007-09-09T16:25:00.000-07:00

right before i left for my trip, G and I went to see once on a high recommendation from my boss as well as 20 other random people here and there. this movie is quite amazingly unpretentious and very charming. the delicate approach that they used to depict a potentially cliche scenario really worked well, (not to mention that i love the movie poster) street musician sings on street, meets girl, make beautiful music together, then you can see what happens when you watch it... Glen hansard, lead singer of the Frames does a really good job at acting and the whole movie had a certain air to it that seemed real and fragile. it reminded me of the old days listening to elliott smith off the Either/Or album and just disappearing into the songs and his voice. soo good!

the day after we went to see the movie, G came home with the movie soundtrack that she got from a guy at work. ultimately this became the soundtrack to my trip to europe... and still kind of is. a little bit of research later, i am now really into the Burn the Maps album by the Frames. There are certain qualities in his voice that remind me so much of Elliott, and that makes me really happy considering he's gone.

final verdict: once and the frames = happy me

end of summer resolutions:

2007-09-06T22:01:00.000-07:00

now that the frantic summer vacations are over.. and life is starting to settle down, i need to find something new to do:
what to do, what to do?

Resolution 1: learn guitar
considering i live with probably one of the best guitarists this side of the la river, i have decided to learn a bit of the 6-string. After two brief lessons of basics and although the tips of my fingers are raw, I can now play two chords... and once i can figure out how to play them one after the other, I will be on the path to playing two new songs:
Leaving on a Jet Plane & Brown Eyed Girl (a little colorado and a little northern ireland - woohoo)
perhaps when i am really good, i will tackle Ringworm... perhaps not.

Resolution 2: keep plants alive
I am the proud owner of 3 new ivys which, as of today, have been doing very well, and new growth is present. maybe someday soon, i will be one of those people who has crazy huge ivy in every room that grows over everything, and becomes part of the house... you never know!... i was pretty successful with my vegetable garden this year: fresh cherry tomatoes, and very very little bell peppers.

Resolution 3: cook dinner at least 3 times a week
I love to cook - all this top chef excitement is making me hungry... and now that my kitchen is emaculate from the 4 hour cleaning that took place after we were ruthlessly attacked by ants, i think that i will need to put it to use. i have also recently realized that i really like mushrooms.. and my recent experiment of sauteed mushrooms and onions (very fancy i know) has proven deliciously successful! there is now nothing better than mushroom and onion sauteed sake seitan with steamed fresh corn on the cob and a glass of Tempranillo wine.

so that's basically the extent of my new "end of summer resolutions"... i don't want to overload myself as i tend to not follow through with new things... surprise surprise

until next time.. when dinner, decor, and entertainment is on me :)

home again

2007-08-22T23:23:00.000-07:00

I am back from my 3 week long travels to places that i have already been, but absolutely loved, so i went back. London, Edinburgh, and Paris. My three favorite cities... granted they are the 3 abroad cities that i have visited before, (Ireland and northern Ireland excluded... belfast and dublin are up there too!) the trip was fantastic, and if i had one of those PC computers, you would all be able to see the pics from a picasso page or something like that. But sadly no... i choose to have a mac, and you must all go and visit my myspace and see the pics that i have put up so far on that. www.myspace.com/randomrose

When i get to be not so lazy, i will post more. vacations are so nice, except for the whole returning part - that is just torture! work is already painful to say the least... although... i have acquired back my lovely mate Maricka... and she gained a Paul, so thats not so bad ;)

back to the grindstone!

and a little bit more...

2007-05-31T00:04:00.000-07:00

my new hero!

2007-05-30T23:57:00.000-07:00

tonight, geolyn and sheena and myself all went to Largo and laughed our asses off to zack galifianakis! here's a little taste of some of his genius...

movie under and above the stars

2007-05-27T00:26:00.000-07:00

love love love the cemetary screenings! sit around in line for an hour... picnic on the grass for an hour and a half, and watch super cool movies outside on a grassy lawn in the Hollywood Forever Cemetary. Mr. McGrathy can attest to the greatness that is the cemetary screenings!

birthday schmirthday...

2007-05-21T23:37:00.000-07:00

another year, and whats to show for it... umm... yeah
call me cynical, and perhaps i will regret this later... but screw family - friends are best!

time keeps on ticking...

2007-05-18T00:31:00.000-07:00

coachella was a blast... so much so that the pictures that are on my damn camera are locked into solitude... i can't find the damn cord to let me upload them... there's also lost pictures from Dublin, and a wonderful photo shoot with Henry.. the stud that he is! oh the torture!

Coachella, here we come!

2007-04-27T01:28:00.000-07:00

i'm all packed, and ready to go... tomorrow we head out on the road for the 3 hour journey to the land of blazing heat and music! the weather forcast is in the triple digits.. woohoo... and the sunblock is packed! i'm looking forward to relaxing by the pool, eating yuummy native foods, and of course, long days full of a diverse set of music... oh yeah.. and did i mention that im taking 2 days off from work!... that i think is the icing on the cake.

so all you out there in the land of green where the rain barely ceases, take a moment this weekend to think of us.. hehe melting like fools from a dali painting. there will be many photos to come soon, if i figure out again how to post... (that requires me to take pictures in the first place i realize, but we'll see)

have a great weekend everyone!
:)

backyard here i come...

2007-04-03T22:30:00.000-07:00

summertime and the livin's easy...
with the forecast of hot sunny days, and warm relaxing evenings... i have decided to invest in my backyard...
with the help of G, i will have a 10' x 10' gazebo, and comfy love seat... little lanterns to hang from the ceiling, and iron side tables with ice cold drinks... i think that the prospect of the future is looking slightly warmer with the idea of afternoon cocktails and perhaps a setting sun. oh the joys of summers in LA - the heat might be bearable yet...

anyone want to come over for dinner?

wimbeldon, here i come...

2007-04-02T23:19:00.000-07:00

7 years of my life was immersed in tennis, and i am finally in the process of working me way back there...
at least i will benefit from the exercise...

when i dug out my tennis bag from the closet, i found a goldmine of my past... notes from high school between me and Jen, and proudly, i can say that our poop humor hasn't changed in the least...

god bless poop humor!

quarter century crisis

2007-03-27T02:33:00.000-07:00

i feel as though i am in the process of some sort of life crisis... what the hell do i want to do with my life? where do i want to be? how the hell am i going to get there?

my lack of proper, consistent role models is really leaving me with way too many questions and options, and the prospects are far too expansive for my tired brain to wrap around.

my current job is safe. am i a safe kind of person? so much of me knows that i can acheive more, but why have i not made any advancements or steps in a forward motion? where is my drive for life? i have always been good at many things, not particularly exceling at one particular item. i could really do anything i wanted to (no bloody guts permitting)... but have never been able to pin that down. art was one of those things that comes naturally, and a degree in art is a hell of a lot easier than a degree in statistics. yet i find myself still in my safe job, with an almost non-existent urge to go out and get a real design job. why? maybe its just that i am a lazy arse, who couldnt be bothered to get out and be challenged...

i have noticed of late that i tend to follow other people. the interests of others propels me along, and i believe i am more interested in being among those people and immersing myself in their worlds- rather than follow what I want to do- in order to not be alone. perhaps i dont believe myself to be a strong enough magnet for others to stick to, and therefore, force myself to them? perhaps everyone does this, and i am merely stuck in my own head (most likely im sure). i think that i am most afraid to fail. If i am merely cheerleading other peoples lives, then its not mine that is being reviewed. safe is safe, and easy, and failure is not really possible. can i be content with safe? why cant i just know these answers... damnit being human!

i get such a sick in the stomach feeling about the future. I dread it. will i be happy? will i be successful? will i be able to fully love someone else, or even myself? will these questions ever end? what do i need to be happy? will i ever know? does anyone ever know? does any of it even matter?

I THINK I NEED A HOBBY! and a cheap one! perhaps it really is time to drag out that old tennis racket... (why the hell am i even resiting that - its just a game... just a ball and a racket, and a bit of running... easy enough!)

as Geolyn would sing for me if she were here with a strong brit-punk accent: "where is my motivation?" as i ask "where is my mind?"

Ok rant over!

the icing on the cake and musings on the moment

2007-03-12T20:43:00.000-07:00

monday: beginning of week from hell
if i was a camel, and carrying a load of months of having to defend and prove myself, getting "spoken to" for trying to stick up for myself against a work bully was the piece of straw that broke my back. sometimes i just want to give up, and start anew, so that i dont have to keep fighting... but when is too much, too much? at what point do i take myself out of an unhealthy situation? how am i to know how to fix this unhealthy situation? and perhaps it is me that interprets the "battle"... perhaps it is really there... perhaps i need to be stronger, and more resilient... perhaps it all doesnt matter...

tuesday-sunday: non-stop busy
expo went well, but the awkward interplay between myself and my co-workers, is making me feel like i really dont belong among this group of people... 12 hour days, high stress, intense deadlines... expo used to be a 3 day party that had long days of work, ending with fun dinners, and dancing... this year, it was not the same... if it werent for my boss, the one person who seems sensitive to my current situation, i wouldnt have survived emotionally... i am now wondering... is one person enough to keep me there? I have to remind myself hourly, that this one person is the one person who matters most. this is the one person who recognizes my responsibilities, and accomplishments... but why the hell do i care what other people think about me...

monday: the icing
my bank doesnt seem to have processed the $1000 check that i deposited at the beginning of the month, and i now have about 12 transactions that each cost me $27, and the bank thinks i am $800 in the negative...

musings:
does anything else want to happen to me this month? might as well have it all happen now... get it all out now... perhaps i can alienate ALL my friends, and push everyone away? my defense is taken by people around me as some sort of offensive... what the hell am i supposed to do? my latest solution is to walk away... but something in me says that is not right... i am not a quitter... however close i am to the edge that i sit now... holding on for dear life... i really dont want to quit... my life has not been about quitting, or giving in... i have fought for my life, and my place, and my survival... I am the one who got me where i am today... i did not have the family support that others had... i was on my own... and yet there are those who "know" me, who wonder why i dont rely on them, or choose to stand alone in times of trouble... that is not me... i am not trained to ask for help. i just want someone to stand by and be there at the end of the day... a part of my personal life, apart from the chaos of work, and the stress of the day... anyone up for being my friend?

Preparing for a New Adventure...

2007-03-05T19:37:00.000-08:00

i quit my job, and the hunt for a new one begins...

update: stress sucks...

Hockey Mania...

2007-02-24T23:35:00.000-08:00

Wow... i just got home from one of the greatest games that i have seen in a long long time...
Although i have not always been the most loyal fans of the Los Angeles Kings, I have always kept up with them, and supported when they played any team besides the Devils or the Rangers (Go Devils!)... but seriously... the Kings have done it tonight...

Up by two points in the beginning, they managed to lose their lead (surprise surprise!)... and they were down 4-5 coming to the end of the game... with 2:06 on the clock, the kings got a penalty, and there was a power play to the the Avanlanche... IDIOTS! but they stayed strong, and with 30 seconds to go, they pulled goalie Burke to destroy the Avalanche power play... 5 on 5... with 3.8 seconds to go... the Kings pull a miracle move out of their asses, and SCORE!!! HOly crap balls!!! the crowd went wild, and it was absolutely amazing! They tied the game at the last moment, allowing the game to continue in overtime... the 5 minute overtime went quickly with no score, and the shoot out began. Avalanche score... Kings miss... Avalanche miss, Kings score... avalanche score... Kings SCORE... this means that we are now in Sudden Death Shoot out... I swear that i have never been to a game EVER that has gone to sudden death shoot out... the whole crowd was on its feet... cheering like crazy people... my hands were almost bleeding from clapping so much... The avalanche shoot first... miss! next are the kings... MISS... Avalanche miss... SCORE!!! Kings win!! it was absolutely amazing... this is what games should be like everytime... that was well worth the ticket!

(I might be off a bit with my re-telling, so don't hold me to every detail... hehe but it was truly amazing!)
Go KINGS Go!

Mr. Potter

2007-02-19T23:05:00.000-08:00

yes... the time has come! i have been suckered in, and now i can't seem to escape...
i am reading HARRY POTTER !!

i think that Atresha will be so proud of me... with a huge topping of I TOLD YOU SO... i find myself up at night reading until 3 or 4... i have shot through the first 4 in one week! the most frightening part of it... is that i have seen the movies, and i know what is going to happen, and yet i still force myself to read through the next chapter to read what happens... i keep quoting the book... Im turning into one of those little 14 year old kids who calls another a mudblood, and pretends to do curses on their friends. what is happening to me??? i fought it for so long... but its finally leeched its way into my life...

after reading children of men, and blindness, i knew that i needed a break from the stress-inducing, dismal, apocalyptic story telling that happened to be in abundance, but i am finding myself so much more stressed out about poor little potter... i might need some dr. suess after this series is over...

im just happy that i dont have to wait a year for the next installment. i picked a very convenient time to become obsessed with this story... i can't imagine the torturous wait that these poor young kids had to endure... oh the humanity of it all!

wake, work, eat, work, eat, work, sleep

2007-02-13T00:31:00.000-08:00

holy shitballs!

It is now about 1 am, and i am just now settling in for the night. how do other people do this...? i am so exhausted, mentally and physically, that i found it very difficult this evening to get up the energy to get dinner!!! and that is something HUGE in my world. i love food! we are in the process of redesigning our expo booth for work, and with all the thousands of balls in the air that involve just that, now lets add in the usual expo crap that needs to get done, and oh yeah... all the other regular work that is expected of me... wait: now lets add in an independent movie, which i over-eagerly agreed to help out with, the website for that, establishing what the hell we need to do next, and then finding the resources and time to do them. Wow, did that sound like complaining? i don't really mean it to, but where the hell did all this stuff come from? one minute, i am resting and relaxing in Belfast with Stephen, and the next, I can't find my way through the pile of bills that are stacking up, or the ever present cold that refuses to leave my system! grrrrr updates on all these projects to come as they slowly make their way out of my high stress levels, and after i manage to get a full nights rest!

but there is some good news in there somewhere:

this blog is being written by an official college graduate! woohooo! i received the diploma in the mail today, and i couldnt be more chuffed (as stephen would say). all those painful years of studying and spending money - packaged up into an 8.5 by 11 piece of paper. at least they managed to spell my name right. woohoo! go me!

MISSING

2007-02-09T23:20:00.000-08:00

while on one of her many many hikes along the PCT trail, Geolyn happened upon a guy named Jim who was really interesting and knowledgeable. turns out he was some big wig at Microsoft, and a few weekends ago, he went out in his boat to spread his mothers ashes into the pacific ocean, and has not been seen since. there is a website devoted to finding him, and it raises a question for me: how long would you hold out hope if a family member or friend went missing? obviously, the time spent searching allows some grieving to soak in, but there has to remain a level of denial if the search extends beyond weeks. but then hollywood presented us with castaway, and the same question... with a little answer: the wife ends up moving on, and poor Tom Hanks is left all alone in the world with a stupid package which leads him to a beautiful woman...(yeah right) but back to the topic, would the hope of finding the person prevent you from properly dealing with their potential death, or is it necessary to begin the grieving process? would it be rude to give up too soon, and therefore, the hope is exisiting to merely fend off our own guilt?

i have no answers to any of these questions, but as of now, we are still hoping that Jim is found safe and sound, perhaps he has made his way down to Baja california, and is drinking Mai Tais on the beach.

we can only hope...

history of an american waste of time...

2007-02-04T00:56:00.000-08:00

or so i tend to think...

being that tomorrow is one of the most watched and anticipated days in american television... i decided to do some quick research on the subject: the history of american football.

i can proudly say that i have never been to a professional football game, and hopefully for me, never will. I am even more proud to say that i have been to a professional rugby game, and someday would like to again. but in the vein of my topic, where and why have we managed to morph the sports of soccer and rugby into such a slow moving, violent, and commercial laden sport? According to this website and wikipedia, the two most regonized academic institutions in america are to blame: Harvard, and Princeton. sadly, my own semi-alma-mater Rutgers is also in there as one of the first, but proudly, they were triumphant in the first official college game. how in the name of dan marino did this sport come out of the greatest colleges in america? why is it that football players are notorious for being some of the lowest ranked students in their class? why is it that you could be called a nerd if you go to harvard or princeton, but a hometown hero if you are the quarterback for your high school team?

a sport that is designed to fit in those profitable television commercial breaks; a sport that seems to have more time standing still than movement (even more than golf) with all the damn penalties and time between downs; a sport that survives on advertisement deals and the great american way of consumption. god bless american football.

Lily Allen, who?

2007-02-01T16:11:00.000-08:00

so, when i was out in northern ireland for my 1/6th of last year, i fell in love with some cheesy pop tunes... and artists, one being ms. lily allen. if i would have guessed that she would be headlining next to the shins here for a sounds eclectic concert, i would have payed a lot more attention to her website and tours. that little lady has been in just about every magazine that i have picked up, and seems to have taken the music/fashion industry by storm... she's hhhyyyyaaauuuuuggggge(huge)! maybe i should now join the all saints mailing list!... (hehe.. just kidding)

fireworks in the office

2007-01-30T18:12:00.000-08:00

and i mean literally... i was sitting at my desk, minding my own business, and a few little sparking noises perk up my ears... a light electrical box over my desk sparked, and started to smoke... i could smell the melted metal/plastic smell.. oh the fun! mind you that this was after everyone else in the office has gone home, and its just me. i called in our maintenence guy, and he put plastic over the leak in the roof that was dripping on the box... but jsut as he was about to pull away and drive home.. it sparked again, but this time with enough sparks to hit the floor. i think its time to go home...

just a little bit of heart healthy nervousness to make sure that i'm still alive. i could do with a little shower from our sprinkler system, but i dont really think that the computers and all of our papers could take it.

just another day in the office.

coachella 2007

2007-01-29T22:47:00.000-08:00

the tickets have been purchased, and the hotel room reserved!
3 days of blistering heat, dehydrated wandering, and the wonderful sounds of indie music, here we come!
now that i still have 3 months of waiting, its time to start doing my music homework, and getting hip to the new beats...
oooh its exciting to think of all the new acquisitions.

keeping it going...

2007-01-29T22:35:00.000-08:00

i know that im not the first person to ever request this, but i would really really like to have a few more hours in the day. maybe its just for this month, or this time of year, i dont know... but i feel so strapped for time. by the time i first look up from my desk every day at work, its lunch time - like i really have time to get that organized and eaten.. haha lunch ends up being around 2-3, late enough to destroy a regular dinner time, and late enough for me to be on my last legs of sanity. i must admit that i am very much at fault for taking on more than i can handle with freelancing, etc. maybe i should start charging for these services, so that maybe i can take a day or two off from regular work...hmm... i just dont think that my real work would be willing to not see me at my desk... i think they might even be considering a ball and chain...

bye bye Belfast

2007-01-28T23:27:00.000-08:00

i was doing some high level math in my head earlier and i have figured out that i spent over 1/6th of the last year in Northern Ireland. i am starting to miss Belfast and the set up of the city, and the coffeehouses, and the pubs, and walking the Queen's Bridge over the River Lagan into the city centre to shop my heart out, and eat veg soup with a side of egg mayonnaise. i miss the people, and Stephen, and all his friends. the movie house, and the drive to cookstown. i miss how people are courteous drivers who dont really speed, and understand the concept of passing on the right (although its the left over there). its going to be a bit of a transitional period for me to readjust to life here in the chaos of Los Angeles. i miss the football highlights, and watching stephen root for Newcastle. maybe soccer highlights will make it big over here now that we have acquired mr. Beckham. only time will tell.

Welcome 2007

2007-01-28T23:06:00.000-08:00

new year = new hobbies

my goal for this new year is to try and live my life. if this means actually doing laundry at the same time every week, filing my bills (and paying them ontime) in an actual file folder, and regularly writing a blog, then bygeorge, I will do it. or at least try. i have spent the last 6 hours cleaning my closet, doing laundry, and trying to organize my shoes. i think that i have an inch thick layer of dust in my lungs now, and a new appreciation for oganizational tools- i.e. shelving. this week i am planning a trip to the shopping haven - Target, or as we like to call it, Tarjay. (that was a really bad spelling job of a french accent, but i havent yet figured out accents in shortcuts- sorry) oh the fun that my wallet will be having there...